I'm on a blog kick, and I think I've blogged-out the MySpacers, so Xanga, here I am!  Sometimes I just like to type out my thoughts, and so few people actually read this thing anymore (one being my mom and one being my old youth pastor ) that I figure I'm safe

I've been reading Proverbs over the last few days and it has been amazing--so full of wisdom (I know, I know, "duh") and encouragement...and conviction--and I've come to the conclusion that I am the type who likes to sit back and let things happen; this approach to life, however, is not always a good thing.  The reason I entitled this entry "Walk the Line" is because that is what I feel I am doing.  My personality is to be chill (this does not mean lazy), but I realize we as humans are to work, think, and take action, so I try to do just that.  I go to school.  I go out of my comfort zone to meet friends.  I attempt to keep up friendships with my out-of-state friends.  I actively pursue a relationship with God.  But then I realize God has made me who I am, so therefore it's not entirely wrong to be laid back like I am.  That is one line--the one between what needs to be done and my personality, though I expect nearly every Christian finds this to be a line that at least needs to be recognized at one point in their life.

The second line involves the "taking action" part of my life.  How do I know how far I am supposed to pursue/hold onto something?  Par example, I go to a school that my family cannot afford, so I pray that God provides the money.  I try not to worry because I know God is my Provider...but at the same time, maybe I'm not supposed to be here.  He could either be testing (for lack of better words) my faith in Him for provision, or He could be testing my ability to actually hear Him and follow His commands showing where I am to go.  This is just one example of a few that I am struggling with these days.  This is a line involving tension between my mind and my faith.

I'm writing most of this for my benefit, so this is pretty long and kind of confusing and probably not easy to comment on, nor applicable to you, which is okay   I'm just thinking...um...through my typing.

And, finally, the last line I feel I'm currently walking--the "me" line.  My career, my life, my friendships, my relationships, my education, my relationship with God.  I don't like it!  I've never really been a big fan of thinking about myself (though I certainly am human, so it's not entirely unavoidable), but it seems that this time in my life is all about me.  If I don't think about me, I will not get an education nor make the money I need to survive as well as to help others.  I'm not so sure that made sense.  The point is that we are called to consider ourselves last, which is what I think I would rather be doing right now, but it appears that if I did that, I would not be going anywhere in life.  I must sacrifice.

My roommates and I want to move onto a farm.  This whole western world of technology and stuff is for the birds.

Sometimes I want to move to an island.I wouldn't be able to help many people, but at least I wouldn't confuse or hurt them.

Well, that was fun.

Anyone ever feel like you're just being who everyone else wants you to be?  Not in a bad way, just trying to obey spiritual direction...so much so that it's hard to be who you and God want you to be?

ha ha, that made sense